just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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