A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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