just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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