i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
