I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
