I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
