Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
