I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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