Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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