I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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