Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
