You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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