I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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