i permit you to call me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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