i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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