dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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