I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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