apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Damn victory sex feels great
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
