the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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