I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
there is glitter all over my balls
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
