other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
