My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
