Say something about gay babies.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
