I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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