Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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