You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize