what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
