They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
