last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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