Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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