You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
