Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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