his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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