We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
