But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
