just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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