So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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