she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
