Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
