dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
