I will die if light touches me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
