Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
