i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's always time for handjobs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
