Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
