How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can I color on your dick again?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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