so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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