What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
