There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was like eating out sand paper
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
