To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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