Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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