in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
