Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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