I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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