all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
