I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
