We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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