I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
