I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
