don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
