Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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