is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
